A Dash of British Fighting Spirit
by Good Old Hoxton
Summary: After being taken in by the Itsuka family, Jack Itsuka lives with his adoptive sister in Japan. However, during a Spacial Quake, he meets a purple haired girl who just happens to be a spirit. He is also told he is one of the few who can stop her, but he's not exactly sure about it. For starters, he's English. How's he supposed to charm spirits with an attitude and mouth like his?
1. Mondays are literally the Biblical Satan

As much as I appreciated the presence of Kotori, since she _did_ welcome me into the Itsuka household when I was first noticed by her parents whilst I was wandering about the city without knowledge of where the hell I was or what the hell I was doing, _and_ because she'd been the closest thing I'd had to a best friend for the whole of my life in Japan, I didn't quite understand one thing.

Why the _**FUCK**_ did she deem it necessary to start jumping around on my fucking bed at such an early hour in the bloody morning?!

" _Gooooooood morning, Big Bro! Waaaaaaake up!_ " she giggled as I felt my bed moving from side to side, presumably due to Kotori doing an admittedly adorable dance as she stood over me laughing. I groaned, and threw the covers over my face.

"Jesus **CHRIST** , why?!" I growled, checking my watch. _Seriously, Kotori?!_ "It's five in the fucking morning! Go back to sodding bed!" The response from my ludicrously red-haired sibling was another giggle, then the bouncing stopped. Finally, got a breather. The girl's too excit

 _ **"OW, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHY?!"**_ I yelled, recoiling forwards. Kotori's foot came slamming down onto my stomach. Literally every single particle of oxygen I had in my lungs just fucked off right then and there, leaving me gasping for breath. My sister simply giggled, then sat down to straddle my torso. She didn't really weigh much: My problem was that I was still reeling from her sudden attack. "F-Fucking hell, K-Ko-Kotori..." I whined, clutching my stomach.

In response, she just smiled. "Yes, my dearest brother?" I grit my teeth, and breathed in to get more air into my lungs. Then, slowly, I reached to the side of my bed for something I knew Kotori had a strange fear of. Taking a fearful glance at them, she let out a squeak, before running straight out of the room in a panic. Since I'd moved to Japan, I'd had my belongings from my original family in England moved over to the house I now exclusively shared with my sister. As such, my rather spacious bedroom was different to that of an average Japanese teen: My PC and TV were in the corner on my desk; I had a bookshelf filled with famous works and biographies of historical leaders; And next to my bed, since I had nowhere else to put them, was the large assortment of de-activated weapons, knives, swords, and militaria that I had gathered over the course of my previous life in the Land of Hope and Glory. A strange hobby for someone my age: At my age, most others were going out drinking, playing football, and hitting on girls to no end, with their collecting habits being phone numbers and chavvy clothing.

My collecting habits?

Military gear that was either unwanted or obsolete, guns that had been decommissioned or rendered an obsolete caliber, and the worried glances from those I mentioned it to.

It seemed so long ago, but...my parents were dead, my brother was missing, nobody could take me in, and they wanted to put me up for adoption, so I just ran. I hid in trucks, I snuck aboard boats, and somehow, after months, I ended up in Japan.

And that was when I met Mr. and Mrs. Isuka: My step-parents, and probably some of the nicest people I'd ever had the pleasure of knowing. Mr. Isuka used to walk past me every day as I sat in the street, waiting for...something. Then, one day, he stopped, and asked why I always sat on the side of the road. Since he was the first Japanese person I'd spoken to, I was surprised to find that for some inexplicable reason, everybody spoke perfect English. I explained my situation, and he left for about half an hour before returning with a blanket, and offered to take me to his house. The rest went from there: I stayed with them, eventually they got legal custody of me, and with that, all my belongings from back home came all the way to the Far East.

Though I will admit: Trying to get six or seven dozen different non-functional or obsolete rifles, pistols, shotguns machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades, helmets, gas masks, uniforms, knives, and swords through Japanese customs was a little bit more paperwork than Mr. Isuka would have liked. However, after I explained that they could prove to be valuable decorations and such like, they finally got given the go ahead.

So long story short, Kotori has a full length Scottish claymore in her room, right above the door, as well as an SS Officer's cap. It's fairly strange, but she doesn't seem to have a problem with the way the visitors we get gawp at them.

As I heard her panicked cries down the hall as she moved down the stairs at a rate of knots, I did feel like kind of a dick for threatening her with a sawed-off shotgun, even if it _was_ non-functional. I decided it'd be a good idea to make it up to her.

Yeah, I know, she kicked me straight in the stomach with the force of a million accumulated Paul Walker crashes, but it was just impossible to stay mad at her for anything. She's just over a year younger than me, and even I find her adorable, but not in the creepy way I assume some of you are thinking.

Groaning to myself, I dropped the sawed-off back into the pile of weapons with a loud clatter, and sat up, scratching my head and looking down at myself. "Well, at least I didn't have a wet dream last night, or anything..." I muttered, before casting a glance at my abdomen. There was a huge red mark where my dearest sister had done a fucking swan dive Cloaker kick to my stomach, which looked like it was probably going to bruise. "Son of a bitch, that lass..." Begrudgingly, my body managed to force itself to its feet, so I trudged over to my computer and flicked it out of sleep mode. It hummed into life, and I checked the date in the bottom right corner.

 _ **April 10th**_

Ah, bugger. First day back at school. I cast a glance out the window, to be greeted by the sight of a golden sunrise. "At least the weather's not shit," I grunted. At this point, I decided to go and have a shower, so I grabbed my bottle of gun oil-scented body wash.

Yes, it did clean me up. It just made me smell of gun oil. Mixed with the chocolate-scented shampoo, people walking past would either be wondering if I just walked out of a garage, or if I'm Willy Wonka.

People always guess I just walked out of a garage.

They get nothing: they lose.

 _ **After a leisurely shower...**_

"Hey, sis," I said calmly as I walked through to the kitchen. She made a 'hmmph' noise, pouting and folding her arms. "I'll make breakfast, aye?" There was a pause as I stood in front of the fridge. Finally, I turned to look her in the eyes over my shoulder. "Aye? Breakfast?"

Kotori sighed. " _Aye_..." I grinned, and got to work on being shit at making food. As I cracked the eggs and poured the shells into the pan, I looked up at Kotori whilst I expertly put out a pan fire.

"You're still pissed off about the shotgun thing?" I asked. She nodded firmly, still frowning.

"Yeah."

"Well, here's some news for ya..."

"They're de-activated, I know," she huffed, resting her elbow on the table and using it to support her head. "You tell me every time you do that, and it _still_ gets to me."

"And that's not all," I interjected, causing her to make a quiet 'huh?' and look at me. I smiled. "If I had one bullet and someone told me to kill you, I'd shoot them instead. You're my sister: The day I attack you is the day I stop loving you. And have I ever attacked you?" There. That brightened her up: She smiled, then jumped down from her chair to turn on the TV.

Of course.

The news was on.

"Another one?" I asked. Kotori just nodded from across the room.

As usual, she didn't hold back on the description. "Yup. Spacial Quake in Hiroshima. Place is a crater." I couldn't help but snigger.

"Wow, that's the second time in seventy years!" I laughed. Kotori turned back and glared at me.

"That's a pretty mean thing to say, Big Bro," she said flatly.

"You know you love it," I smirked, disposing of the radioactive mess I had just created using household foodstuff. After a moment, she shook her head, smiling.

"Never change," she sighed, before turning her attention back to the news. Whilst I made her some toast, since I'm literally the best at making toast and nobody can argue back, I heard a wrapper being opened, and the sound of Kotori putting something in her mouth. I paused.

"Hey, sis?" I began.

"Yeah?"

"Where do you _get_ all those lollies from?" Now Kotori turned to look at me, and sure enough, there was a white lolly stick poking out of her mouth.

"Hmm? Whaddya mean?" she replied, an adorable, confused expression on her face.

"I just wondered where you get all of those lollipops from. You've never seemed to run out, after all these years."

"Oh...really?"

"Yeah, you don't. It's like every time I look at you, you've got a lolly in your mouth. I just wondered where they all come from."

"Is it important?"

"Nah, not really."

"Oh." She paused, and looked out the window for a few seconds. Then she shrugged. "OK, then." I simply shook my head slightly, and got to buttering her toast.

Fairly normal morning.

 _ **Later, once we'd headed out to school...**_

Since the local diner was at the T-junction where we normally parted ways to school, my younger sister turned away.

"I'll se you later, Big Bro!" she said cheerfully, skipping away down the route she normally took. Hold on, was she doing anything later? I raised my hand to my mouth.

"Oi, Kotori, you gonna be at home later?" I called after her. She paused, and placed her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes at me with a grin.

"Hmmm...I'll meet you outside the diner after school, so we can get something to eat?" she suggested. I shrugged.

"Fine by me, I don't bring lunch to school," I whistled, before waving her off. "Make sure you're here, alright?" As my adoptive sibling skipped away, I heard her calling back to me.

" _Don't worry, Big Bro! I'll be here, even if there's a Spacial Quake!_ "

After a moment, Kotori was gone. I scratched the back of my head, and turned to leave towards school. "Fairly certain she fucking would be here if that happens..." I muttered. Just as I began to walk, I bumped into someone and being knocked straight onto my arse. "Ooh, shit, sorry, mate," I said quickly, dusting myself off slightly. However, after a familiar laugh rang through the air, I grinned. "Hiroto, you fantastic bastard, haven't seen you in ages!"

The lad in front of me was one I'd known for a considerable length of time. Since the start of attending Raizen High School, in fact, since I was transferred in by Mr. and Mrs. Itsuka halfway through first year, when every other student was around my age. Hiroto was the student who was told to guide me about the place so I got used to it: Turns out we had a lot in common. He was pretty much my best friend by the end of the first week, and we normally played video games together on weekends and holidays. Though the only frustration I had was that he was taller than me: The bloke was five foot eleven, and I was five foot ten.

"Jack! Long time, no see!" he laughed, extending a hand to help me up. I gratuitously accepted, getting to my feet and rubbing the toe-caps of my Magnum boots on the back of my school trousers. As far as the school was concerned, they were just large school shoes that my trouser legs concealed partially. But then again, they really just got the teachers annoyed when I spent two minutes undoing them and putting them on at the end of physical education, which, I might add, was _not_ my favourite subject. Sure, people often said "You're not fat" or "You look strong", but I always figured they were lying to my neckbeard ass. "How've you been?" Hiroto asked. I stuck my hands in my pockets, and tilted my head from side to side slightly as we started walking to school.

"Pretty good, nothing much happened outside of what I mentioned over Skype," I replied. "You?"

"Same here. Say, did I tell you I got a girlfriend?"

"It's a dating sim, innit?"

"Yeah, how'd you guess?"

"Because nobody's got standards _that_ low."

"Ah, shut up. Don't think you can say much, considering your level of interaction with the rest of the class."

"What're you saying? You saying I'm quiet?"

"Not particularly, but you just don't talk to people. You answer questions, but you don't...like, _talk_ to people." I shrugged slightly.

"Well, fairly certain people're used to it by now. It's been about two or three years, ain't it?"

"Yeah, and you still sound like a posh English guy."

"Posh? _Posh?_ " I retorted, looking at him, "What the fuck did you just sodding say about me, you bloody wanker? I'll have you know I graduated at the top of my class in an all-Boys' school, and I've performed over three hundred acts of fucking violence against other lads..." Hiroto threw his head back and loudly chortled.

"OK, OK, I get it, Jeez!" he chuckled. "Toughest guy on the estate, you made it clear." I jabbed a finger at him.

"You bloody well got that right," I said firmly, nodding. "Besides, we're not here for long, are we? This is just another one of those 'Welcome Back to Hell' days that lasts about two hours or something, right?" Hiroto nodded, and ran his hand over his hair.

"Right!" he replied. "And I'm fairly certain that everyone has to come along, so maybe this time we could try and change how everybody sees you."

"Ech." I frowned, and scratched my stubble. "I'm fine with my image as it is. Don't have many friends, don't particularly want many friends." The lad next to me frowned.

"Well, it's good to have friends around, y'know. Just in case you need backup for anything, or just want to talk to someone."

"And that's why I've got you." I grunted, putting my elbow behind my head and stretching. "I do something bad, and then you rush in and shoulder charge everybody so we can leave, and then I give you money or something. I dunno. Loose plan."

"I'm not always gonna be around, y'know? Besides, not like we're gonna have the same classes or anything. You took metalwork and design, I didn't."

"Bah. Might be in the same form, though."

"What's form? Isn't form just the English version of homeroom?"

"Aye, it is. Thought I'd told you that before."

"Nah, you didn't. But now I know." I was just about to drop a sick mixtape Transformers reference, but we'd arrived at the gates of Raizen High School. Since it was only our year doing the sign-in, the grounds were sparsely populated, with only a couple of students wandering towards their homerooms. As we entered the modern-looking building, I reached into my pocket and withdrew the letter I'd been given.

"Says here I'm in Miss Okamine's fo..." I paused. "... _homeroom_. You?" Hiroto pulled an expression of surprise?

"Really? Same."

"Called it." I said flatly as we headed upstairs.

As we went into the room and sat down, I felt like something was going to fuck up that day.

I couldn't be sure.

I just _knew_.


	2. Non-withheld swearing and yelling

That bloody alarm, every time.

We were just starting on lunch ( _Well, everyone else was: I normally just sat at the window and did fucking nothing for the whole hour_ ) when the Spacial Quake warning siren began to ring out through the city. Students in the classroom began offering barely panicked responses to this, as Miss Okamine came charging into the room, squealing out that we needed to get to the shelter. Sighing, I picked up my bag and slung it over my torso, then trudged down the corridor amongst the other students. I wasn't particularly worried: Normally, these Quakes took about ten or fifteen minutes to start off, and by then we were all in the shelters.

Though, I was concerned.

Kotori had already gotten out of school, and said she'd wait at the diner for me so we could go home together. And what she said earlier about being there even if a Spacial Quake happened...

I shuddered.

She'll be fine.

Better call her though.

As we began to make our way down into the school courtyard and head into the bunker, I whipped my phone out and rang Kotori. I remember repeatedly saying one phrase over and over: "Come on, pick up, for God's sake..." It was earning me a few passing glances from my fellow students, but I didn't give a shit: They were irrelevant to me. All that mattered was my sister. "Ah, shite, must be bad signal or summat..." I groaned, pulling my phone away from my ear and looking at the screen. Then, I remembered that her phone, and my phone for that matter, had tracking devices. I looked at Kotori's profile, then pressed track. It took a few moments for the satellites to locate her, but...

Oh my God.

"KOTORI, ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!" I yelled, prompting everyone nearby to jump in shock as I instantly turned to run straight out the bunker. I heard Miss Okamine and a few others yelling out to me, but I completely ignored them, sprinting as fast as I could up the stairs and rolling under the bunker's doors just before they could close. I quickly picked myself up from the ground, legging it across the schoolyard and running out the gates into the now empty streets. Where there used to be car parks, there were huge metal blast doors that covered the parking lots, which had sunk down into the ground. Other buildings had sealed up with blast doors, and those inside had gone underground.

But not Kotori. Ohhh, Kotori wasn't that smart. She was waiting outside the diner, like she said. Her GPS signal showed her to be just outside the door. But not if I could help it: I was going to go save her, so I ran straight down the main street to where I remembered the diner to be after years of taking the same route to school. All the while, I remembered repeating one word.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Mum and Dad would absolutely _mutilate_ me if they found out I let Kotori die in a Spacial Quake. I wouldn't live with that much fucking guilt, either.

I made a sharp right down the route I normally took, and just as I did, there was a _huge_ boom. Like, deafening, huge. The massive blast wave nearly swept me off my feet, but I held strong. Was this a spacial quake? Whatever: That wouldn't stop me. It _couldn't_ stop me. I briefly had a funny mental image in my head of Kotori and I sitting in the ruins of the diner, enjoying a leisurely meal, but that was blown away by the massive shockwave of brown smoke that came from lots of things blowing up really fast all at once.

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, the explosion subsided, and I looked ahead to the road.

Just kidding!

Yeah, there wasn't a fucking road anymore. Nor were there any buildings for a good distance. Or anything of note, except this _gigantic, fuck off crater_. It had literally just appeared. I though spacial quakes wiped the fuck out of everything? They'd done it to Europe about 30 years back! Britain was fine, though! Fuck you, France, Germany, Italy, Australia, and...no wait, is it Australia? Austria?

Bah, fuck it. Wherever it was that the hell-gate Hitler came out of was.

Anyway, I was shocked. Was this _it?_ I mean, sure I understood, that was pretty fucking devastating and all, since about seventy percent of the buildings I had seen a minute before were now not buildings I could see, but did it really require the whole _city_ to shut down?

Huh.

Dusting myself off, I put my hands in my pockets, and made my way to the side of the blast site, but not without singing a few lines of _Nuclear_. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting. "Standing...on the edge...of the crater..." I said loudly, casting my miserable gaze around. "Like the prophets once sai-holy shiiiiit..." I stared in disbelief at the middle of the crater, still with my hands in my pockets.

There, in the center of all the carnage, was a girl.

From my distance, I could see purple hair. I'll admit, I kind of have a thing for that, so my interested peaked. She was looking at me. I decided to call out. "Hey, uh, Lady?" I yelled. "Are you alright?" She offered no response for a moment. Then, she turned to the massive, golden block that was next to her, and grabbed the rod protruding from the top, before ripping it free. I raised a brow, leaning forward slightly to see what it was. "What's tha-? Oh. Oh, it's...it's a swor-OK then, that makes sense."

Before I was able to call out again and ask if she was high, she raised the weapon over her head, and swept down with it as a _**HUGE PURPLE BLAST WAVE OF ENERGY WHAT THE LIVING FUCK**_ roared from the end of it, ripping the ground up and...

...going past me?

Throughout all that, I'd managed to keep my hands in my pockets somehow. Fuck it, that was the image we were going with: Calm in the face of fucking stupid dangers. Oh yeah. The explosion of ground shrapnel shot past me to my right, and I'm fairly certain I heard something blow up behind me. Did something blow up? I turned and had a look, just in time to see an apartment building crumble to the ground. I raised both brows. "That, ah..." I began, "...that was pretty fucking awesome..."

I turned back.

A sword was pointed at my face.

I still had my hands in my pockets.

Fuck it, let's do this shit.

The purple-haired _goddess of blowing things to bits_ was now standing in front of me, pointing her boomstick at my face. Now I could see her up close...holy hell, 'goddess' was an understatement. She seemed to have been clad in a weird, purple battle dress with shoulder pauldrons and heels, as well as the fucking buster sword that she was aiming at my handsome mug. In the facial department, she had these beautiful purple-gold eyes, and a serious facial expression. I had to say: This girl was _hot_. Not my department, though: I was terrible with women. I stared flatly at her.

"Afternoon." I greeted casually. _Alright, here we go, engage Smooth Operator mode._ She narrowed her eyes at me.

"So it's true," she finally said. I detected a slight hint of an American-ish accent.

"Eh?" I replied, tilting my head slightly.

"You've come here to kill me." Now I withdrew my hands from my pockets, which prompted her to tense slightly. "Do not try to deny that is why you are here. I must deal with you before they arrive." I stared blankly at her. Was I dreaming? Probably. Maybe it was a wet dream. Could I have sex with this woman?

Probably not worth trying.

"Listen, Little Miss Rolling Thunder," I began, folding my arms, "You might not have noticed this, but I'm not the type of bloke who'd attack a woman he's just met." She let out a small 'huh?' and seemed to lower her sword slightly. "Yeah, you heard me. Why would I attack you? You haven't done shit to me. And who's 'they'?"

As if on some plot-convenient cue, there came the sound of rushing jet engines, and we both looked in that direction.

Oh, look, people with jetpacks and _were those minigun rifles?_

"I assume this is your 'they', then?" I asked quickly, before pushing the woman in front of me out the way. "Get down!" She seemed to protest briefly, but my shove put her behind a concrete wall as a fucking _hailstorm_ of bullets ripped through the area she had previously been standing in. I paused.

Had I been hit?

I looked myself over.

How the _fuck_ was I not hit? Miniguns hit 3000RPM, so with the five people flying around with those minigun rifles, and firing for roughly five seconds...that's about three thousand rounds. Maybe. So not only did I survive being shot at, I survived being shot at _three thousand times_ within _five seconds_. I looked towards where the woman I shoved had previously been, and she was picking herself up with a less than pleased expression. "You alright?" I called over. She narrowed her eyes, then sighed, and nodded with a sad expression. "Good."

My gaze returned to Monty Python's Flying Minigun Rifle Jetpack Nitro Circus, who had dropped into a formation. It was now that I noticed they were all shapely women in skin-tight, revealing costumes, and I knew one of them, Pepperami Thebitchy, from school, since I sat next to her and paid some attention to how her name was pronounced when she tried speaking to me that morning. I sighed, putting my hands back into my pockets.

Yeah, I was dreaming.

Fuck it.

But I was gonna be watching a really hot catfight, so that was cool.

I paid close attention as the figments of my imagination sprayed bullets everywhere, with sword woman jumped up into the air and began having a sword fight with the girl from my school. It was like this for thirty seconds or so: Just one incredibly sexual-looking sword fight in a blur of movement I couldn't even begin to register the speed of.

And, after a moment, something jabbed my right ankle, and I was forced to shield my face as a huge white light engulfed the area. I remember the feeling of my skin sizzling on the exposed left side of my face, then...

...nothing.

 _ **Shite. I died.**_

Gah. Bugger. Was that a light in my eyes? Fucking burns like a motherfucker. I blinked, and sat up suddenly. "JESUS WEPT, STOP THAT," I yelled angrily, glaring about the room. From what I gathered, I was in hospital, and still wearing my school uniform ( _which, I might add, was now slightly melted on the left side_ ). Not only that, but a brief touch to the left side of my face indicated that I _hadn't_ gotten away scot-free: That entire portion of my face was now a network of blistered flesh, but not too badly. Just badly enough that people would think I'm a bank robber who just got broken out of prison. "Fuuuuuuck..." I muttered, touching the area. "That's gonna go down well on /r/paydaytheheist..." I was interrupted from my thoughts by a monotone, female voice.

"Oh. It seems you're awake now." Quickly, I looked to my left, to see what was probably the single most attractive older woman I had ever seen in my life, not counting Gwyneth Paltrow. She had to have been in her twenties or early thirties, with grey hair, grey rings under her eyes, and a brown cardigan with a stuffed bear in the top pocket. Also, she had large breasts, and was looking at me like she was either incredibly bored, or incredibly tired. "I apologize for the damage done to the side of your face, but I cannot fix something that happened because you stood there and got blown up during a Spacial Quake."

So that wasn't a dream? "So that wasn't a dream, then?" I asked. She adjusted the little glasses she had.

"No. You are alive. Those are third degree burns on the side of your face. Those are permanent."

"Bollocks!" I snapped, slamming my fist onto the bed. Then I remembered why I was there. "Shit, where's my sister?!" I looked to my super-hot nurse. "Nurse, wh-"

"My name is Reine Murasame. Call me Reine."

"Alright, Reine, you need to send me out there, I need to save-"

"Your sister. You said this."

"Exactly! You've got to bloody let me go! My sister's out there, picking up pieces of her home city, and as far as she knows, I'm dea-!"

"The captain wants to speak with you." I paused.

" _...Captain?_ " I repeated.

"Yes. The captain wants to speak with you." I sighed.

"You mean the head doctor?" I asked, facepalming.

"No. I am the head doctor. The captain wants to-"

"I GET IT." I yelled. There was silence. Reine hadn't even flinched, and decided to speak again after a moment of silence. Goddamn, she was patient.

"Do you want to go see the captain now? Or do you need time to recover?" I groaned, and rubbed my forehead, leaning back on the bed slightly.

"First off, sorry for yelling. Had a shitty day."

"It's no problem."

"Second...alright. I'll go see your 'captain'." Reine stepped back slightly, and gave me space to swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I ground my bones as I stood, with a significant chorus of clicks, and shook my legs. I did notice my left ankle felt...tight, for some reason. I leaned down and rubbed at it, but the feeling didn't pass. "Fuck." Reine offered no facial response, as I'd already come to expect from her.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Eh. Dead ankle, I suppose." There was a pause, and I stepped on that foot a bit. Feeling hadn't gone away. Wasn't painful, or anything: Mostly just annoying.

"Oh. That. That's your muscles getting used to the area where you were shot." I threw my arms wide.

I growled. "Jesus. Fucking. _Christ._ " Then, I cast my gaze to Reine's face, looking down at her. I was taller than her, so that was a plus. "I was _shot?_ " She nodded calmly.

"Yes. You're coping with this quite well."

"Then you should be thankful there's no bonesaws nearby, or I'd fucking go on a rampage. This is bullshit."

"You'd probably be shot before you got anywhere important." Reine said coldly. "Do you want to go and see the Captain, now?" With nothing else I could say, and no bonesaws in sight, I sighed, and nodded. Reine calmly turned and walked towards the door, so I followed her out of the room and into the rest of the hospital, and-

OK, I wasn't in a hospital, apparently. Seemingly unfazed by the fact we were now on the USS Ishimura, judging by the weird metal corridors and stuff, my attractive older guide made a left turn and began to lead me up a bunch of ramps and down a bunch of halls. All the while, we were walking past groups of futuristic-looking security guards, blast doors, and other such malarkey, receiving not even a passing glance from those we moved by.

I was just hoping that this 'Captain' was ready for a fucking _ribbing_ : Kidnapping me and then putting me with a sexually attractive older woman so I wouldn't get violent! Scoundrel! I was gonna give them a piece of my mind!

 _ **Upon reaching the bridge...**_

"I've brought him with me," Reine announced flatly. In the room ahead, there was a lot of screens and desks and whatnot, so I figured this was the 'bridge' of the 'ship', and that the 'captain' would be here. Standing in front of us, there was a bloke that was just shorter than me _**(Ha! Eat that, military man!)**_ with needlessly luxurious long blonde hair and white clothing. He had his hands behind his back in a 'polite' way, but that wasn't gonna do _shit_ to calm me down.

"Jack," he nodded, "Glad you could join us. My name is-"

" _ **I don't fucking care!**_ " I yelled. There was silence, and the man stopped extending his hand to shake, and frowned. I continued, "Not only have you fucking kidnapped me, but you also put me on a bloody hospital bed for..." I paused, and leaned over to Reine. "...how long was I there?"

"About fifteen hours," she said calmly, shifting her weight slightly.

"Cool, thanks," I smiled, before angrily turning back to blondie. "Yeah, fifteen hours! You literally held me hostage for less than a day! What gives you the right to do that?" There was no response, the man simply opting to out his hands behind his back and look unamusedly at me. "Yeah, that's what I thought, dick'ead," I said firmly, nodding and jabbing a finger at him. "Now what I suggest you do, is use..." I paused and looked around the room.

Holy shit, this place was future-y. Bugger me, I didn't even know most of this shit existed yet. So, not knowing what else to do, I pointed at a random, advanced looking machine with a big fuck-off screen on it. "...THAT, and help me find my sister!" Reine coughed, and walked over to the machine. She pressed a button, and...

...OK, what?

"Would you like some tea to calm you down?" she asked. I groaned, and facepalmed. I could _definitely_ feel some eyes looking at me.

"Better be a proper brew, then," I sighed. "None of this 'Earl Grey' or 'Green Tea' bollocks. Don't bother asking unless it's-"

"Yorkshire Gold?" Reine asked gently. I paused. Dammit. Really English cups of tea. My one weakness besides small arms fire, emotional crits, and being kicked a lot. Looking up, I saw that the woman was standing with a mug held out in front of me, the handle towards me. I hesitated, and accepted the cup of proper brown tea.

"...cheers..." I mumbled, sipping it. There was silence. Fuck, this was good tea. Everything was lovely once again. After a moment, I exhaled.

"Are you feeling less stressed, now?" the man asked. I nodded, finally looking back at him.

"Aye. I suppose. Sorry for being an arse." I muttered, rubbing my forehead. "But fuck me, if I'm not expecting some bloody good answers for what the hell's going on." There was then the sound of a cough to my immediate right.

"Then ask and you'll receive, Big Bro."

I know that bloody voice. I grit my teeth, and turned my head.

Yep, OK, that settles it, Kotori was being a little shit.

"Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?!" I cried. There, sitting on a chair atop a raised pedestal with a captain's hat and robes on was my younger sister, and as usual, she had her shit-eating smirk and lollipop in her mouth. I was flabbergasted. "Is this some kind of shitty hidden camera show?" I looked around. _Bloody good hiding..._

"No, it isn't," Kotori said grumpily. "And I thought you'd be more grateful than that. We beamed you up to the ship just before the full force of that explosion happened." She smirked, and looked at the left of my face. "Obviously, we weren't quick enough. You should drop a note to engineering and tell them to be quicker."

"Fuck you." I began to make my way up the steps in front of me, tea in hand. "I went out looking for you. Why the _fuck_ did you go to the diner?" My sister simply raised a brow, still remaining reclined in her chair even though I stood in front of her in my usual, considerably imposing fashion.

"Bro, I know you won't do anything no matter what I say to you," she replied smartly. I frowned. _Little bitch._ "And anyway, what made  you think I went to the diner? I'm not that stupid." I glared at her, and calmly withdrew my phone. Thankfully, it still had batteries, so I unlocked it, and turned the screen to her. Sure enough, it showed that her location was outside the diner. Kotori tilted her head side to side for a moment. "Eh...I guess it's kinda right." She looked towards someone in the front end of the bridge. "Turn on the interior cloaking!"

There was a brief pause as a guy up front did something science-y.

And then the whole ship disappeared and I was standing at _least_ five and a half thousand feet in the air.

"Fucking hell, this place must be expensive," I mused, looking down. In the city beneath us, I could see a huge brown circle where the explosion must have happened the day before. Directly below was the diner. Fair enough. Stupid fucking satellites need to be more sodding specific with altitudes. "I bet if I pissed from this height, it'd freeze and turn into a fucking asteroid." Kotori glared at me as the bridge turned back into view.

"No, if you did, I'd have you thrown off my ship," she said coldly, folding her arms. "And _you_ should be thanking me." I looked at her, aghast.

"The FUCK you say, cunt?" I gasped. "Why the fuck should I thank you? I'm your older fucking brother!"

"And up here, _I'm_ the leader of Ratatoskr!" she retorted. "Had I not have stepped in, it'd have been more than half your head burned, Fry Face." I jabbed a finger at her.

"Family or not, you call me that again, I'm going to beat the shit out of you with this cup and drink your liquefied brain."

"Just a point," Reine piped up behind me. "Devouring a human brain is likely to cause Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, and you'd gradually lose muscle control. So, in effect, the captain would still win." I briefly turned.

"I fucking hate science," I said firmly, before turning back to my sister. "And anyway, I owe you _nothing_. You let half my face get burned. I'm gonna look like a bank robber forever. You think I should owe you for that?"

"No," Kotori replied calmly, removing the lolly from her mouth. "But what do you owe humanity?" I was about to call her a wanker, but...

What...?

"...what do I owe _humanity_...?" I mulled the words over, thinking. Kotori smirked victoriously.

"I knew that'd get you to listen."

"I know what I owe humanity." I finally said, nodding and smiling. Of course. How could I forget? Kotori smiled knowingly. "A punch in the fucking dick, and a curb stomp. Humanity can suck a fat, STD-riddled and sweaty dick, as far as I'm concerned. We don't _do_ anything. All we do is have a war, then make up, then have a war, then be racist a whole bunch, then make superweapons, and have even more wars. We're fucking boring, why would I owe a stupid species anything?" A few people nearby cringed at my use of the Queen's. Kotori just raised a brow, and looked a bit disappointed that I didn't do the cliché "Yeah, humanity!" speech. Maybe it was because she was raised with me and got used to the fact I was incredibly narcissistic and pessimistic.

"That's...not what I was going for, Big Bro," she sighed, before turning to the large screen in the front of the room. On it, there suddenly flashed up the footage of the ground zero area below. On further inspection on the top right of the screen...

"Oh, that's me and that purple-haired girl," I noted fairly loudly. Kotori shook her head.

"That's not a girl," she said calmly. I raised my brows.

"Wait, she's not?"

"No."

"Then I feel very guilty about some of the thoughts I had about her whilst I was unconscious." My sister looked at me in disgust.

"Ew. Big Bro, stop. Anyway, she's not a girl in our sense of the word. Rather, she's female, yes, but not human."

"Knew it." I said calmly as the blonde guy and Reine came up onto the raised platform to look at the screen with us.

"You knew she was a spirit?" Blondie asked. I gave him a deadpan look, and sipped my tea.

"Yeah, I saw the lasers and shit and immediately thought of the word 'Spirit' instead of 'Final Boss' or 'Wizard Dominatrix'."

"Big Bro, shut up," Kotori said flatly, before turning her attention back to the screen. "Her name is 'Princess'. Or, at least that's what we call her." I whistled, and smirked as the camera showed her face.

"I'll say!" I laughed. "Rated her a solid ten out of te-"

"Bro, shut up, seriously, this is important."

"Fine, fine."

"Anyway, we've got the AST to deal with her kind. You saw them, right?" Kotori asked. I tilted my head.

"The lasses with the kickarse minigun rifles?" I asked. Kotori nodded. "Then yeah, I saw them, and can I have-?"

"No. Like I was saying, we have the Anti-Spirit Team for when we need to bring them down, but the problem is, excessive force rarely works."

"Pretty sure I saw that 'Princess' lass take on about seven people at once whilst being sprayed with three thousand rounds per second from six places. Dodged all of them, the slippery bitch."

"That's right. Spirits are _exceptional_ combatants. Full force will rarely work on them." Kotori looked up at me suddenly, as the footage froze to show me casually speaking with Princess, her sword lowered and a confused expression on her face. "You showed that you can speak to her, and keep cool under extreme pressure."

"Yeah, and?" I shrugged, sipping some tea. "Far as I was concerned, someone had slipped me summat in my drink and I was tripping the fuck out. So I just went with it. And apparently she was real, OK, so what the hell am I meant to do?" Kotori grinned.

"We want you to date her."

There was silence.

"So...like...what...fuck-buddy with her?"

"Not even that far," my sister smiled. "All you need to do is gain her trust, and kiss her. You'll be able to seal away her powers, and render her powerless. She won't be able to cause any harm or Spacial Quakes any more." I stared blankly at her. "This might be a lot to take in, but-"

"Do I get to snuggle with her?" There was silence. Kotori looked at me in utter confusion.

"... _what?_ "

"You heard me. If I date her, can I snuggle with her? She's adorable." Kotori looked at me for a moment, then at Reine.

"Did you give him anything in that tea?"

"No," Reine responded calmly. "If I were to have done that, the machine only has hydrogen cyanide and high-grade napalm salts, so he would be dead right now." I grinned, and turned to look at Reine.

"You're fun."

"I know. I love having fun. I am having fun right now." To be honest, that might have been her 'having fun' face. It just looked very similar to the 'I just woke up' face that she always had on. She was still nice. But just boring.

Finally, Kotori sighed, and looked at me again. "Bro-"

"Can. I. Snuggle. With her?" I repeated. Kotori offered a deadpan glare.

"If...she gets with you and wants to... _snuggle_...then yeah, if it keeps her happy."

I triumphantly nodded. "Cool, I'll do it." A few people let out breaths they didn't know they had been holding. "On one condition!" I said sharply. There was another pause.

"What?" Kotori asked.

"I want a way to defend myself."

"No."

"Are you fucking serious? That bitch blew up a fucking _apartment_. How the fuck am I meant to get out if things go wrong?" Kotori groaned.

"Fine. Fine! We'll figure something out. Just listen to what I have to say." As she turned back to her monitor, I grinned.

Oh yeah, let's get that sawed-off re-activated. Hot girls, explosions, minigun rifles, and snuggles.

Fucking **quality** , boys.


	3. Tuesdays are worse than Keith Lemon

I wasn't too sure what to think as our new 'assistant homeroom teacher' walked in. She was really hot, yeah, I'd give her that, but I didn't understand why it was **FUCKING REINE.** The class seemed completely nonchalant to my irritated gaze at her.

Well, fuck you lot, you seemed _more_ than happy to stare at the wrecked skin on my fucking face earlier.

Call me 'Burnie' again, Shinto.

I fucking _dare_ you, you tubby squint-eyed twat.

Anyway, the grey-haired woman stood at the front of the classroom, with the strange little pink teddy in her top pocket. "Hello," she said in her usual dull tone, still looking half awake and disappointed in life as I'd seen her the day before. "My name is Reine Murasame. I look forward to working with you all. Are there any questions?" I raised my hand, glaring at her. She ignored it. "Good." I was about to ask anyway, when Reine suddenly began to sway back and forth before dropping flat on her back in front of the class. Miss Okamine let out a cry of surprise, and the rest of the class followed suit, breaking into murmurs and a small panic. I rolled my eyes.

Fuck's sake, this was absolute bullshit.

Groaning audibly, I stood up, grabbed my bag, and made my way to the front of the class, walking past Miss Okamine and crouching in front of Reine. OK, so she hadn't suffered a lethal aneurism. She was just asleep. Whatever. Sighing, I looked up to my fo- _ **homeroom**_ teacher. "I'll sort this," I said flatly, putting my hands underneath the practically unconscious Reine and raising her up into a carry. Miss Okamine was slightly stunned.

"Mr. Itsuka, wha..." She hesitated. "Are you sure?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll take her to the nurse's office," I answered, turning to leave as the rest of the class looked at me in confusion. "Just mark me as present, Miss. Be back later."

With that, I walked to the door, and began to try and turn the handle with my boot. I nearly fell over, for fuck's sake, much to the rest of my classmates' entertainment. However, my foot finally caught purchase, and I twisted my leg to turn the handle, swinging the wooden panel open. "ACED that one," I grinned, before slipping out the door. As I lef-

 **BONK**

"GAH, FUCK, SORRY," I yelled slightly louder than expected, as the class exploded into laughter. On my way out, I'd accidentally smacked Reine's head against the solid wooden doorframe. She didn't seem to be in pain: In fact, she hadn't even stirred. I decided the best course of action would be to take her to the medical room, but a sudden tug on my blazer sleeve as I walked into the empty corridor suggested otherwise. I glanced down, and saw Reine's face, one eye open.

" _The disused science supply room,_ " she whispered. For a moment, I was confused. Then I realised something: Of course! The disused science supply room that was closed off because of asbestos! That was a smart place to put a hideout or sex dungeon or whatever Reine had there. I nodded, and began to move down the corridor to where I remember the school's localized biohazard being placed.

 _ **Upon arrival...**_

"Yeah, naturally you'd bloody well be here," I muttered. Upon stepping into the musty room, I could both feel my internal organs beginning to slow shut down, and see none other than Kotori sitting in front of a large set of monitors, smiling, eating a lollipop, and with her legs crossed. She grinned at me.

"Glad to see you know how I roll, Big Bro," my younger sister said smugly. Before I could come out with a witty insult, there was a cough to my left. I looked down at Reine.

"You can put me down, now," she said in her normal dull tone. I then realized: Shit, I'd been walking around the school whilst carrying a teacher. OK, there goes my reputation. I nodded, and lowered my arms so she could stand up. "Thank you. Outside of the first incident, that was a smooth ride. You should become a heart or brain surgeon." With that comment, the older woman shuffled over to the monitor station, leaving me staring at her blankly.

"God, you people are fuckin' weird," I sighed, finally following after here. "And don't you have any bloody lights in this place? Fuckin' dark, this is." Kotori shot me a deadpan look.

"You don't say." Shaking her head, she turned to the monitors. "Look here, Big Bro," she ordered, gesturing to the largest of a set of three screens. On it, there was displayed some bio-data about a woman. Specifically, the girl I was supposed to get with, and who I had every intent to snuggle with. Fucking adorable. "This is 'Princess'. See the three bars beneath her?"

I nodded, looking at the red, green, and blue bars underneath the spinning 3D image of the girl. "Aye. Health, stamina, magic, right?"

"Just stop talking." Kotori groaned. "Those are her emotional readings. Red is happiness, blue is sadness, green is neutrality. This machine tells us how she's feeling." I squinted at it.

"And right now, she's pissed off?" I asked.

"Exactly," Kotori nodded. "She's been that way for the past few months. As far as we can gather, she's always angry."

"Hmm. So how'm I meant to approach her without gettin' shanked?" I asked. Kotori smiled, and gestured to Reine, who moved over to me.

"Glad you asked, Big Bro. I'll let Reine explain." A pair of small hands grabbed the sides of my face, and forced me to look at the smaller woman in front of me. She looked bored, as usual. Nothing to note in the department. I was about to ask what the fuck she was doing, when I felt something being put into my right ear. I winced as it moved to my ear canal, and finally went still. That done, Reine let go of my head, and I stood up straight again, rubbing my neck.

"Ahhh, fuck..." I grunted, before poking my ear. "The fuck is this? An earpiece or summat?"

"Absolutely," Reine replied. "We'll give you advice on how to interact with Princess through it, and inform you of any developments in her emotional state, and the surroundings." I raised a brow, and folded my arms.

"Oh, right, so like Bain...fair enough," I shrugged. "And you really think I'm gonna be OK when Princess goes off on one and tries...I dunno, stabbin' me? How'm I defendin' myself?" Kotori closed her eyes for a minute. Finally, she exhaled.

"Fine." My younger sister gestured to Reine, who hesitantly nodded, and made her way over to a large black plastic case. She brought it over to the table, set it down flat, turned it, and pushed it over to me. "This is yours, Big Bro." I looked at it, and raised a brow.

"...what is it...?" I asked.

"Open it."

After a pause, I crouched down, and flicked the two plastic latches on the side. Then, I swung it open. Inside, there was a folded mass of fabric, with a large assortment of metal plates set next to it and arranged in size order. I smiled at my sister. "AR-900 concealed body armour, rated for five-A ballistic and four-A spike-and-stab protection? You must've checked my Amazon wishlist, Kotori," I said cheerfully. My sister nodded, but the worried look wasn't gone from her face. As I began to start sliding the armour plates into the carrier vest, I noticed my sister's expression. "Why the hesitation on givin' me this? Not like it causes problems or anythin'. Body armour's perfectly legal." Kotori shook her head.

"It's not that..." she said hesitantly, "I'm more worried about giving you the second part of your personal protection gear." My grin returned.

"If I'm still alive after this, I'll be happy with whatever," I replied casually, zipping up the vest's front plate assembly. Looked like a Cloaker's chestplate. Once again, my sister sighed, and gestured to Reine, this time resting her head on the back of her hand. The older woman made her way over to a pile of test-tube racks, and rummaged around a bit. After a moment, she came out with a smaller plastic case which looked to be about twenty years old, considering the dust on it. She made her way back to the table, placed it down in front of me, and then stood behind my sister's large chair, crouching slightly. I frowned. "Is there summat in this I'm not gonna like? Is this a bomb?" I asked, before narrowing my eyes and looking over at Kotori. "Are you part of the fuckin' Provisional?"

"No, you'll like it," Kotori replied. "And that's what we're scared of." I considered these words. What would Kotori not feel safe with me havi- **a gun.** I tilted my head, and clicked the box's safety latches open. Upon opening it, I was greeted by the most beautiful and holy sight mine eyes had ever seen! I had been transported to Eden, and this... _ **THIS**_ was the apple.

Sitting on the foam coating of the box was the small, but unmistakeable form of an original Israeli Military Industries Micro Uzi. It still had its factory finish, and next to it were four of its 32-round magazines, each filled with 9mm ammunition. I gawped at this for a moment, and swept it up in my large hand. It was small, and quite light, considering how much punishment it could dish out. Calmly, I cocked it, assessing how easy the action was to move in comparison to a de-activated version: Much smoother, but with a slight more resistance. No rounds were chambered, so I set about giving it a dry-fire and brief functions test. Kotori's worried look didn't disappear. "We opted for that, since it's old enough that it's obsolete against our troops' body armour, but just in-date enough that you can get more bullets if you need to." I tilted my head, looking down the sights.

"Uh-huh," I responded slowly, "And how're you suggestin' I go about gettin' more bullets for this, without a gun license **AND** whilst bein' under eighteen, which seems to be an international standard for gettin' things related to guns?" Kotori once more closed her eyes, and leaned over to Reine, who was peeking out from behind the chair.

" _Do we...?_ " I heard her whisper.

" _We did go through the effort, Captain._ "

Another hesitation.

"Fine." My sister looked me dead in the eyes, reached into her pocket, and removed a small card with a piece of paper folded around it, offering it to me. "This is your way of getting more ammunition," she said. I could tell she was definitely fucking terrified of the prospect of me getting a firearm. "We managed to get your ID to entitle you to the purchase of the things listed on that paper, at the location listed on the paper." She narrowed her eyes. "And bear in mind, you're gonna be _dating_ Princess, not turning her into the plot of Terminator Genisys." I laughed as I pulled off my blazer and shirt, and began to slip on the armour.

"Sis, this thing only has a thirty-two round magazine," I replied heartily, patting the Micro Uzi that was lying on the table. "I couldn't put that many holes in somethin' if I _tried_. Besides, it'll probably come to using this gun. I'm not the best with women." Kotori reclined in her seat, folding her legs and smirking.

"Really? Then how're you still here?" she asked smugly. I paused.

"What?"

"If you were that bad with girls, Princess would have killed you on the spot. But you managed to talk her out of killing you, and saved her from a flurry of Anti-Spirit Team bullets. If I had to guess, she might be interested to speak with you again."

"Fair enough," I muttered, flipping the little piece of paper open that I was given. It was a list, as expected.

 _ **What You Can Buy**_

 _1\. You can purchase the following ammunition types:_

 _\- 20 / 12 / 10 / 8 Gauge Shotgun Shells (_ _ **No Dragon's Breath shells allowed. This can't be stressed enough, especially since they were banned in the Geneva Revision of 2020.**_ _)_

 _\- 9mm / 8mm (_ _ **No hollowpoints...that's just cruel**_ _)_

 _\- 7.62mm (_ _ **For Kalashnikov pattern rifles**_ _) / 7.62mm x 54 (_ _ **For Mosin-Nagant type-rifles**_ _) / 7.62mm x 25 (_ _ **For Tokarev type handguns**_ _)_

 _\- 5.56mm (_ _ **For typical CAR weapon formats**_ _)_

 _\- .44 Magnum (_ _ **No hollowpoints!**_ _)_

 _\- .50 Action Express (_ _ **No hollowpoints! Again, don't be a meanie!**_ _)_

 _2\. Bladed weapons no longer than a foot in length need to be checked out with us for practicality purposes. If we think it's OK, you can keep it._

 _3\. Electricity-based personal defense devices are allowed, and partially encouraged. The Lieutenant Commander is telling me they're called Tasers. Whatever._

 _4\. Your sister tells me you have a collection of inactive firearms, with which you seem to have gained knowledge of the topic of weaponry. That is not a good topic of knowledge. Neuroscience is better. If you bring these weapons to the address listed, the man who will be selling you the items would be happy to undertake the process of re-activating them for your personal use._

 _6\. You may purchase more weapons, within reason. A .55 Boys anti-tank rifle is not necessary in any situation whatsoever. However, things like the FN FAL and Smith and Wesson Model 29 may be justified as effective combat weapons that can be either concealed or used in a tough situation._

I frowned.

"Who the fuck wrote this?" I asked. Reine raised a hand.

"I like writing lists."

"Of fuckin' course you do," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "So I can basically buy guns and ammo as long as you guys are OK with it?" Kotori nodded.

"Like I said: All the stuff you'll be able to buy is obsolete by today's standards. If we need to stop you, we can, and you won't be able to do anything to us. But on the bright side, if Princess decides she doesn't like you and intends to kill you-"

"I can mag-dump thirty-two shots into her face within two and a half seconds, then start mercilessly bashing her in the face with the pistol grip of the Micro Uzi," I finished for her. Kotori raised a brow, with an expression on her face suggesting that I didn't finish her sentence correctly.

"...no, I was gonna say we can warp you outta there." I shrugged, rolling my shoulders to get used to my armour's weight.

"Mine sounded cooler." After a moment, I went over to my younger sister, and gave her the biggest hug I possibly could. Apparently, she didn't expect it. "Cheers for all this, sis!" I grinned. My 'commander' just emitted yelling noises and asked me if I knew who the hell she was.

Whatever.

She always knew how to cheer me up, and in this case, it was allowing me to legally purchase and own a twelve-hundred RPM machine pistol.

 _ **The next day...**_

I arrived at school as normally as I could. Underneath my left armpit, I had a pistol holster that I'd spent the previous evening trimming with scissors to accommodate the Uzi for easy withdrawal. Under my right armpit, there were the other three magazines, not counting the one I had loaded into the weapon already. I'd also taken extra care to ensure that my blazer fit as best as possible to hide the weapon, just to avoid confrontations with anybody over it.

And, yes, if the armed police were brought in over it, I had no chance of fighting them off. The Micro Uzi was about thirty or forty years obsolete, and government issue body armour could stop a point blank 10 gauge shell, no problem, without even staggering the wearer. If I went against anyone armoured, I was buggered.

But I doubted I'd encounter anyone with armour at a goddamn high school. And obviously, the concealment worked, since I went through nearly the whole day without having a talk with anybody. However, it was at lunch that someone came up and stood in front of me when I was walking down the corridor back from the toilet. I recognised her as the girl I'd been sat next to for the previous few hours. "Oh, hi, Jack," she said calmly, standing dead in front of me. Before I could offer my response, a voice spoke into my right ear through the earpiece.

" _Bro, this is perfect!_ " Kotori announced. " _Practice your pick-up lines on this girl._ " I didn't dare respond over the earpiece, because that just looks dodgy as fuck. I instead looked at the girl in front of me. She was quite cute, I had to give her that: Short white hair. I liked it. I cleared my throat.

"Ah...alright there...?" I replied cautiously.

"It's Tobiichi."

"Eh?"

"My name. Origami Tobiichi."

"Ah, right," I nodded. "So if I need to remember your name, I think about carefully folded swans. Got it." I could hear Kotori's hand hitting her face through the earpiece. Origami didn't seem upset in the slightest.

"Sure," she said calmly. I hesitated. That worked? Fucking _how_? Look a' me, lads, scorin' solid points with some 10/10 birds.

"Right. Anythin' I can help you with?" I asked.

"Not particularly. I just wanted a conversation, because I've never seen you speak to anyone else except that guy who keeps hitting on me." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, Hiroto?" I sighed, Origami nodding in response. "Aye, he's just...hormonal. I think. To be honest, got no clue. Need me to tell him to bugger off?" She shook her head.

"No, no, he's fine. He's like an attention-seeking puppy. Mind if I ask about your gun?" I froze.

 _o shit lel_

"...what gun?" I asked. Kotori whispered into my ear again.

" _Maybe she doesn't know it's a gun and just thinks it's a phone or bag. Talk her away from it._ "

Goof point. Could I wangle my way out of this one...?

"Is that not an Israeli Military Industries Micro Uzi machine pistol underneath your left armpit, with the four accompanying thirty-two round magazines of nine millimeter ammunition?"

" _OH, SHIT, ABORT MISSION, RUN AWAY, SHOOT HER, WHATEVER, ABORT ABORT_ " Kotori wailed. I heard sirens in the background, so obviously the bridge was shitting it. But not me.

Oh, fuck no, this girl knew guns, and that was cool.

"Yes, it damn well is," I grinned. "How'd you know?" Origami smiled slightly.

"I watch a lot of movies. How'd you get a license to concealed-carry it?"

"I was allowed to get it early, since I was already listed as an owner of de-activated and obsolete weapons."

"Cool. I like guns."

Kotori came through my earpiece again. " _Jack, how are you doing this, I thought she was gonna panic._ "

I nodded, still smiling. "Figures, since you knew the shape of a Micro Uzi through a blazer jacket."

"Anyway, if you don't mind me asking, why do you have it?"

 _o fuck_

"I dunno: Why're you wearin' a hairband with short hair?" I asked. She tilted her head.

Her response was simple. "Because I can, I guess."

"And the same goes for my gun. I have it because I can have it." There was silence. Origami smiled.

"I guess that makes sense. So, what are you doing after scho-?"

Before she finished, there came that goddamned siren again. The left side of my face buzzed slightly. Here we go again. I looked back to Origami, only to find she had run off.

Fair do.

I was about to head for the shelter, when Kotori's voice crackled into my ear again. " _Bro, this is it. Listen: Go home for the next ten minutes, and get ready. Don't wear your school uniform, hide your gun in the back of your trouser belt, underneath your shirt, and wear a jacket...basically, wear your normal clothes._ " Behind me, the rest of the class began to file out of the room and make their way down to the shelter, with Miss Okamine crying out for them to remain calm. I put two fingers to my ear and interacted with the earpiece. I'd goddamned always wanted to fucking do that.

"Orders confirmed," I replied, beginning to break into a light jog down the hall towards the exit. "Need me to pack anythin' else?"

" _Nope,_ " my sister replied, " _Just try and look inconspicuous. And whilst you're getting changed, I'd suggest thinking up an excuse if your gun falls outta your trousers, because I highly doubt 'Why Not' is gonna calm down Princess._ "

"Shut up, spur of the moment thing, Sis," I retorted as I charged out of the gate, walls and shields springing up all around. It'd take about two minutes for me to get home. Then, that was about six minutes sorting my clothes and gun, then two minutes getting back to school.

I exhaled.

This was the day it all went down.


	4. An English guy flirts with best girl

Once I got back to the house, I put on my 'Serious Preparation Face' ( _My normal miserable expression, mixed with the look of aggressive focus that school shooters have_ ), and set about putting on my clothes for meeting girls. I rushed upstairs, and grabbed my original Soviet messenger bag, and opened it. By doing this, I had a way to hide the Uzi more effectively, as well as carry a present for this...this _'Princess'_ , or whatever her weird-arse name was.

Couldn't they just give these spirits names based on their looks? Like, " _ **Oh no, it's Arse-is-a-10-but-her-face-is-a-3**_!", or " _ **Holy shit, duck and cover, it's The One That Looks A Bit Like Eva Braun**_!"?

Christ.

Anyway, I whipped off my school uniform, and slid over to my closet to retrieve my jeans, black t-shirt, and beloved green button-up shirt that was loved by Londons in every universe. As I put them on, I was pretty sure there _probably was_ a universe where the alternate version of me _DIDN'T_ wear the jeans, black t-shirt, and green button-up shirt combo, but that universe was probably also run by the Nazis, so it was well worth disregarding it.

Once I had myself set up, I slipped my bag on and my sunglasses, and went over to my non-metaphorical desk drawer of bayonets. In front of me was an array of pointy things, so naturally, I picked the one that was easiest to conceal: SA80-style bayonets were also pretty cool looking. I always wondered why they got rid of those rifles in 2025, and the point that they looked quite cool simply added to the mystery.

Oh well.

I tucked it neatly into the back of my trousers, then went through more of my drawers to see if there was anything worth giving to Princess as a way of gaining trust. I highly doubted she would want a weapon; That'd just reinforce her belief that humans were all violent. Plus, she might try to use it on me, which I had great concern over. After a bit of digging, I finally found something.

Sitting amongst a bunch of old Soviet war medals was one I recognised as a 'True Comrade' medal that was issued to Soviet workers when they made a lot of tractors. It was pin-on, and it looked nice.

OK, fuck it, that'd do.

I stuffed it into my pocket, then I put my sunglasses on, jogged downstairs, and legged it out the front door. By this point, the streets were empty, since everyone just assumed that there would be a spatial quake or something. I knew much better: I put my finger to my ear as I ran back to school. "Oi, sis," I said in my beautiful British accent, "What's the plan for this, then? Seduce her, or summat?" There was static, until a voice sounded over the other end.

" _In a way, yes,_ " came Reine's voice. " _You'll need to-_ "

"Woah, woah," I interjected, "Where's Kotori? I'd be more comfortable speaking to her, thanks."

" _Your sister went to the bathroom, and told me to answer your questions whilst she was gone._ "

That little bitch.

"Fine," I muttered, "Then what'm I doing with Princess?"

" _Approach carefully. Don't take any unnecessary chances, but if you feel like you make any progress with her, keep working on it. As far as we can gather, she doesn't like humans and assumes that we are all violent beings. The AST isn't helping us to convince her otherwise, so be wary that they might show up and attack Princess._ "

"Watch out for the Flying Lesbrigade, got it," I nodded, slowing down as I reached the school. "Anything else I need to know, nurse?"

" _Do not draw your weapon._ "

I paused.

"...then why'm I packing heat if I'm not allowed to use the bloody thing?" I groaned.

" _Drawing your weapon would further convince her that we are a violent species. Also, it would garner the same response as drawing your weapon in front of a police officer, in which she would likely kill you on the spot._ "

"This is Japan, not America, Reine," I whistled, approaching the entrance to the school. The gates were sealed. Bugger. "Anyway, how'm I getting in?"

As if on cue, I went momentarily deaf and was thrown back as a loud explosion rocked the school in front of me, forcing me to land on my arse. Pretty sure my glasses cracked a bit, too. I didn't really know what had happened, but I smacked my ear a bit to get my hearing back, then staggered to my feet. In front of me, a good portion of the school was smoldering and billowing thick plumes of smoke. Even closer than that, the gates had been blasted open.

I shrugged.

" _There's your answer._ " Reine said calmly over the microphone.

I rolled my eyes, and put my fingers to my ear again. "Yeah, cheers for the advice, smartarse," I grunted, stepping over some smoldering metal and beginning to walk to the school's entrance.

Now, I'll be honest, I didn't assume that Japanese schools could get any more obnoxious, but apparently they could. Most of the walls were made of solid concrete with rebar. Fucking imbeciles designed the building! Rebar-enforced concrete is better suited to holding in serial rapists and convicted murderers, not students! I remember grumbling about construction work all the way up the stairs. If she was gonna be anywhere, it'd be the most damaged classroom.

Which, conveniently, was Miss Okamine's classroom; My for- _HOMEROOM,_ goddamn.

Whilst I certainly was partial to the classic Fallout style of _'Everything is fucking broken'_ , I did have one complaint: Princess had overdone it. Rubble was _everywhere_ : Classrooms, hallways, closets, staircases, locker rooms, everything. I'll be honest, it was bad enough that I was kind of expecting a Radroach or a shotgun booby trap to pop up at some point.

Half of the stairs were missing on the way up, so I had to end up hugging the wall and pulling myself up with a railing. Once I got off the stairs, they all broke, landed on the floor, and set on fire for what I could gather was no reason at all.

Truly, the most romantic of locations, second to watching Leonardo Decaprio drown in icy water.

After a few points where I thought the floor was going to explode, I made it to Miss Okamine's classroom and peeked inside. Silhouetted by the setting sun was the elaborate figure of Princess. She was staring out over the city. Was she contemplating things of a destructive nature? Maybe. Whatever.

I put my hands in my pockets, and casually paced into the room. Kotori's voice came over my headset. " _BRO, BE CAREFUL, WHAT ARE YOU DOI-_ "

"Afternoon." I said calmly. I half expected to die on the spot, and so was surprised when the purple-haired girl turned to face me with an audible 'Hmm?'. We stared at each other: Princess looked quite upset; I just looked at her in the same way I did when I first encountered her, and offered her a nonchalant gaze. "We've met before, right?"

Princess wasn't amused. "Why are you here?" she asked, gripping the handle of the sword I literally noticed she was holding just at that moment. I shrugged.

"Why am I not?" I replied. I heard the entire bridge crew of Ratatoskr groan out that I was told specifically not to say that, and Kotori came over the horn.

" _OK, nice knowing you, bro, you sealed your fate with tha-_ "

"It is a fair point you make," Princess replied. Her grip loosened slightly. "But how can I be certain you are not like the others, and did not come here to kill me?" I thought for a moment, then finally locked eyes with her. She seemed confused by my sunglasses.

"That's for you to decide, and if you want to kill someone who only wants to have a good conversation with you." Princess sighed, and stabbed her sword into the ground, folding her arms.

"I still don't trust you," she huffed.

"Well, think of it this way," I smiled. "At least I'm not flying towards you and attacking you for what seems to me like no reason, right?" Princess frowned, before returning to a neutral expression and nodding silently.

"So what is it you would like to discuss?" she asked, beginning to slowly walk between ruined desks towards the chalkboard, curiously eyeing the equations and shit all over it. I slowly shrugged, and began carefully advancing to the chalkboard as well.

"Well, that really depends what you want to talk about," I replied casually. "I'm here to have someone to talk to. Everyone else is hiding."

"You humans seem good at that."

"Indeed, we are," I chuckled, trying not to make a Holocaust joke because it might offend the readers and because Princess wouldn't get it. "Mostly a self-preservation thing."

"Hmm."

Silence reigned between the two of us, as we both stood next to each other, looking at the chalkboard in quiet contemplation. "So...what's your name?" I asked finally. Princess turned and looked at me in confusion.

"My name?" she replied curiously, raising a brow. "I haven't got a name. I have never needed one." I smiled at this.

"Then how about I give you one?" I suggested. The sounds buzzed into life in my earpiece.

" _Nice idea, Big Bro! We're already on it and getting suggestions!_ " I kept my finger away from my ear, as Princess put her hands behind her back.

"That sounds fair. What do you suggest?" she asked. I mocked thinking, rubbing my chin, and looking around the room whilst suggestions rolled through my earpiece. I wasn't going to risk some of the names being suggested, since they sounded weird, but I kept listening, until...

...wait...

Tohka?

That sounded cute. Tohka. Yeah. That was nice.

"How about...Tohka?" I said finally. Princess tilted her head, and repeated it to herself, mulling it over. And then, to my surprise, she smiled.

"I like the name Tohka," she beamed. "Thank you. Speaking of names...what do I call you?" I gave a respectful nod, smiling.

"It's Jack. Jack Itsuka."

"Then I thank you, Jack. I have never had a name before, and yours is the first I have learned." I frowned.

"You've never spoken to anybody before?" I asked. Tohka shook her head, looking quite sad.

"No...never. You are the first human I have ever come into contact with that has not tried to eliminate me on sight."

"That doesn't sound that good," I winced. "But...am I doing a good job of being the first one you've spoken to?" Tohka giggled slightly.

"Yes, you are doing just fine."

I smiled.

 _Fucking progress, lads._

After that, I fell silent, as did Tohka. Both of us continued looking at each other. I cleared my throat, and scratched the back of my head. "So..."

" _Don't try and kiss her. She probably barely even trusts you right now._ "

"Yes?" Tohka asked. Oh fuck, backed into a corner. Shit.

"...have you ever had any friends?" I asked.

Oh, fuck, why'd I ask that...?

I braced for the incoming laser blast...

Nothing.

She seemed upset now. Not the 'Kill everything' kind of upset, but just...sad. To confirm this, Kotori's voice went into my ear. " _Yeah, Jack? Her happiness meter's gone up slightly since you started speaking to her, but sadness and neutrality seem to be balancing each other out. It's like she doesn't know what to feel."_ I placed a finger to my ear, miming a scratch. Thankfully, Tohka couldn't see my eyes behind my glasses, otherwise she'd have seen me glaring at my earpiece.

" _Great,_ " I whispered, " _So she's not likely to kill mex but she still might?_ " I assumed Kotori casually shrugged at that point and put her lolly back into her mouth.

" _Eh, probably. Keep at it, you're doing great._ "

I glanced back to Tohka, who was now sitting on a broken desk, looking quite dejectedly at the floor. Hesitantly, I made my way over to the floor in front of her, and sat myself down. "You alright, Tohka?" I asked. Fuck, she was adorable.

It was then that I heard rocket engines going at a medium distance away. "Ah, fucking hell..." I muttered, looking outside the classroom. Sure enough, in the distance, I could see some black figures in the air, their stances suggesting that they were carrying guns. I looked back at Tohka, who was now looking slightly impatient. "You remember those flying ladies that attacked you the other day?" Tohka nodded, then looked irritated, marching over to grab her weird-arse Buster sword lookalike, then ripping it one-handed out of the ground. The thing had to have weighed at least a half-ton.

That was when I _knew_ that I had to avoid getting slapped by this girl.

She looked at me with sincerity. "You should vacate the area. I do not wish for you to get caught in the crossfire of the battle." I sighed, and paced slightly as Tohka turned and faced the silhouettes approaching. I placed my finger to my ear.

" _Fuck's sake, lads, give us a hand here!_ " I hissed into my earpiece. " _How the hell'm I turning this around?_ " There was silence, with nothing but static mixed in.

Shite. No connection.

I groaned, and turned back to Tohka.

"Listen, Tohka," I began. Her attention didn't turn from the approaching AST, sword at the ready. "I might know a way that we can carry on having a good time without those AST twats intervening." Tohka tensed, and turned to look at me.

"...please. Continue." I swallowed slightly. Shit.

"W-Well...it's...it's weird for me to be saying this so quickly...but...uh..." Holy FUCK, this was awkward as hell.

"Yes?"

I swallowed again, rubbing my forehead of the sweat that had just appeared. Why was this so awkward?

"...do...do you wanna go out sometime?"

Tohka gasped.

Ah, shite, now I really _was_ dead.

There was silence.

I braced for the incoming home run swing via some fucking buster nuke sword thing.

Tohka instead looked me dead in the eyes, and nodded. "I will do my best. Now go."

Holy shit, what?

 _"Holy shit, what?"_ I heard Kotori yell in my ear. Great, _now_ the signal's back. I shook my head. Right...right.

"I'm not just gonna bloody leave you here to potentially die!" I said angrily, extending a hand. "Come on, we can both get outta here!" Tohka shook her head.

"They will kill you. This is my fight, alone. I will return to you when I can, and we will be able to...'go out'." She narrowed her eyes. "Now _go_ , Jack." After a pause, I gave a nod, and started to back out of the room.

"Alright. Good luck, Tohka."

With that, I exited the room just as I heard a hailstorm of gunshots tear into the classroom behind me and rip through some of the wall. I dived out of the way as best as I could, but as I went, I felt something strike the armour plate on my back. It felt like I'd been punched, and came with all the force; I was thrown straight forwards, slamming onto the ground and rolling towards the edge of the building where there was a massive hole in the second floor wall.

I started scrambling around as I slid towards the drop, trying to find grip on anything that might save my life. But as the edge came closer, didn't manage to grab anything. I can remember yelling one thing: "FUCK FUCK FUCK".

With that, I slid straight over the edge. However, I managed to wrap my hand around a metal bar that had been bent out of the wall, and gripped it as tightly as I could. As my momentum halted, I began to swing towards the nearby wall, so as quickly as I could, I put my booted feet out and planted them firmly onto the concrete wall as I reached up with my other hand to grab the bar.

My whole world froze for a moment, and my heart was hammering as I glanced down to the massive drop to the concrete below. Then, I looked back up, and reached to my ear. "You guys better've recorded that shit, 'cause I'm not fucking well doing that again."

I heard static, and then Kotori's voice came over the mic again. " _That was smooth, Bro. Real smooth,_ " she sighed, rubbing her forehead. " _I'd expect nothing less._ " I grinned as I looked around for a way down.

"And that's why my code name needs to be Big Boss," I chuckled, before slowly turning back to my frown. "...so...Sis?" I asked.

" _Yeah, bro?_ "

"How'm I getting down?"

 **Later...**

I sipped my tea, rubbing my back briefly. For a single shot from a minigun, I had to hand it to the AST.

They knew how to make that shit _hurt_.

Reine had advised I avoided 'doing idiotic things' for a few days whilst the bruise healed. The armour was fine: There was just a hole in the back of my FAVOURITE FUCKING SHIRT, GODDAMMIT. However, I had managed to make it to the bridge of 'Fraxinus', so that was something, I suppose. I'd also been given a cup of tea. That was pretty cool, too.

So, I opted to simply stand behind one of the computer terminals on the bridge, cup of Yorkshire Gold in my left hand, and drink my tea whilst making remarks about the recording of the encounter. "She has very nice eyes," I noted as Tohka's image appeared on the screen. "Purple and gold, I think. Fucking lovely." The blonde lieutenant was standing next to me with his cup of coffee. He shook his head.

"I doubt they'd be purple and gold," he replied, "For a few points they don't have the gold sections. I would assume that the gold colour comes from the light." I raised my head in understanding.

"Ah, fair point. Looked gold and purple most of the time."

"But how often were you actually looking at her eyes?" asked the lieutenant, smirking. I shrugged.

"I dunno, like seventy or eighty percent of the time?"

"As expected."

"What can I say? You guys're making me flirt with an attractive girl that looks to be about my age. Course I'm gonna look at her boobs. It's a compliment." The lieutenant frowned.

"That's not a valid reason when appealing against a restraining order..." he muttered, looking frustrated for a moment. I patted him on the back.

"Ah, don't worry about it. Girls are just a bit weird to get used to." To punctuate, the guy in front of us span his chair around.

"I'll say!" he added. "I've been through fourteen marriages! _Fourteen!_ Still haven't found the one, and the divorces were all for stupid reasons!" I gave a nod of approval. Fourteen fucking marriages? Sucka got game.

"Well, that really depends if you view 'creeping on your wife in the shower' as a strange reason," came a voice from behind. The three of us turned to face the source, only to find Reine standing there. I tilted my head.

"How much of that did you hear?" I asked. I wasn't worried or anything. Just curious.

"I will never understand the male fixation on breasts," she said calmly as she shuffled towards us. I looked at her boobs briefly, then mentally gave myself a thumbs up, then returned to looking at the screen above. "So I gather you have assessed the footage?" The lieutenant straightened up, and cleared his throat.

"Indeed," he said firmly, "We have determined that the best approach is a 'casual' approach when speaking to Princ-"

"Tohka," I said quickly. He hesitated.

"Tohka?" he muttered.

"Yeah. That's the name we gave her. Call her by it." He nodded respectfully. This guy was a pretty alright bloke once you got to speak with him, outside of him trying to hit on my fucking fourteen year old sister, the creepy twat.

"Of course...apologies. _Tohka_ seems to appreciate regular conversation, and shows no response to foul language. She also seemed to approve of having a conversation with someone, so it can be assumed that she is rather company-reliant when it comes to being happy."

"That it?" I shrugged, and sipped my coffee. "She likes swearing-"

"That was never expressly stated," Reine said flatly.

"-and enjoys talking to people."

"Neither was that."

"So where this is going is that if she _does_ follow through on her promise to see me again tomorrow, then I might be able to teach her a thing or two about humans. Right?"

Reine nodded.

"Good. Then I'm gonna need summat to do with her. Any suggestions?" There was a moment of silence, that lasted about a half second long.

"Visit the city center?" suggested the one woman over the room who I recognised as having breached about six or seven restraining orders. Nonetheless, I clapped briefly, and pointed to her.

"Alright, fucking solid," I announced firmly. She seemed rather surprised by that. "Go out into the city centre. Also, pretty sure you didn't use the right version of the word 'centre' in your sentence. Just saying." The woman frowned.

"...how can you discern that?"

"This guy's all the colors of weird," added one of the other blokes as he shook his head. I pointed at him.

"Not even the right version of 'colour'! There's a 'U' in there, you lazy git!" Before I could point out the flaws in the very fabric of their realities anymore, Reine coughed.

"Whatever your plan, Jack, I would suggest you head home and rest. Think over your plan whilst you prepare for tomorrow." I turned to her, and nodded.

"Right, got it. Need me to take Kotori home?" Reine shook her head.

"She does that herself."

"...right..." I muttered suspiciously, sipping my cup of tea as I looked up at the still image of Tohka's smiling face on the screen. I nodded appreciatively. Apparently she never smiled in any of the other photos that these guys had of her.

But whatever.

She had a nice body, and at some point, I _was_ going to snuggle with her on a cold winter night, under a warm blanket

That was my _goal._ And if you know how much we Brits like to go for goals, then you'd be entertained at how fucking shite British football is.


	5. Wednesday is sort of OK, I guess

Silently, I stood in front of the wreckage of the school, scratching my stubble with my arms folded alongside the class. I was taller than a good few of them, which I always found funny, so my head peeked out like Bin Laden through a doorway.

For lack of a better description, the school was de_stroyed: The walls were completely gone, implying that the battle had worsened after I left; The windows were all smashed; The courtyard was a crater; Plus, a lot of the floor that _wasn't_ the courtyard was completely smashed apart. After silence from all thirty of us, I coughed.

"Well, shite," I said loudly, causing all eyes to turn to me as I shrugged, looking over at the class with a smug expression. "Guess I didn't need my gym kit after all." I gave it a moment for them to process that. As the groans set in, I threw my head back and laughed steadily. I could hear Hiroto giving a hearty laugh, too. Goddamn, Hiroto, such a legend.

"Haha!" he chortled, raising a thumb at me. "Well memed, friend!" I just sort of finger-gunned at him whilst pulling a smug expression. After a moment, the muttering died down, and we all continued milling about in front of the school, waiting to find out what was happening.

After a moment, I saw Origami walk over to the gates, then read a piece of paper that was taped to it. Casually, I wandered over. "Yo, 'sup," I said calmly. Origami just looked at me with that cold, blank stare. God, she was actually kind of creepy. She looked like a psychopath. Why the hell did she have such a good thousand yard stare? I should have had a better one, I'd browsed /a/, /k/, and /mlp/ the night before. That was practically more traumatising than a full tour in Chechnya.

"Hello," she replied flatly, gesturing to the paper. I leaned in close to read it, folding my arms and squinting to read the shitty handwriting. "It says school will be closed for the foreseeable future whilst they rebuild it." Origami explained, pointing at some Kanji characters that inexplicably had small, sans-serif English above them. I nodded, then turned to the others.

" **OI! LADS! THE PIECE OF PAPER ON THE GATE SAYS WE CAN ALL FUCK OFF BACK HOME FOR A FEW WEEKS OR MONTHS OR WHATEVER!** "

There arose a cheer, and within seconds, the whole class had disappeared, leaving me with Origami. I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I looked at the demolished school in front of me, scratching my chin. Origami began walking away, but stopped after a moment, looking back at me in what was probably confusion. "Aren't you going home?" she asked. She hesitated, then extended a hand slightly. "Do you wanna go into town and hang out?" I dismissed her with a small wave of my hand, putting it in my other pocket.

"Nah, you're alright, you can go do what you gotta do." I replied, pointing at the shelled out carcass in front of me. "Before I go home, I'm gonna see if I can loot some shit. Probably nick some sports equipment or summat, maybe get some decent cash for it. See ya later." Just as casually as I spoke, I moved towards a nearby pile of debris, then began climbing up it. Once I was the right height, I vaulted the wall, landing on the other side and offering a cheerful wave to Origami through the gate.

" _That's illegal!_ " the white-haired girl called out as she continued moving away.

" _So's my internet history!_ " I retorted. I don't know if she called anything else ( _or the police_ ), but whatever. I got on fairly well with her, even if our only two conversations had been about guns. I thought for a moment.

Of course she'd know about guns. She used minigun rifles. She also wore tight, form-fitting catsuits, had impressive tits and arse, and was probably capable of beating the shit out of me. Whatever, nothing to do with me.

Nevertheless, I was being truthful. It was a school: There _had_ to be something worthwhile there. Cooking stuff? Someone's diary? Sports gear? Shit, maybe a security camera got an upskirt shot of Tohka. That'd be going in my PC's special folder if I found it. Probably circulate it around the internet, too.

After glancing around, I crouched down in front of the school's demolished entrance, and began rummaging through a pile of rubble.

It was then that I felt a presence.

I snapped my head up as fast as I could, avoiding the temptation to whip out the Uzi, and looked around as I stood. "Hello?" I called out, balling my fists. "Is there someone out there? You better not be coming to fight me, you sneaky twat, or I'll bash your fucking teeth in!" Just as quickly as I detected it, I suddenly no longer felt the concealed presence. Glaring around at the rubble, I half expected an energy sword blade to appear or something. In fairness, it wouldn't have been off my list as being 'strange': I'd asked a girl out the day before, and she said yes. Doesn't matter that she was a god or something, because who the ever-living _fuck_ would agree to go out with me?

Whatever.

After another once-over of the area, I crouched down again to continue going through the pile of assorted shit that was buried in rubble. After about half an hour, I'd managed to procure seven near-mint mobile phones from some crushed lockers, as well as a rather nice wooden baseball bat. I didn't even play baseball, but I knew that some _mug_ would pay way over the odds for a wooden stick, especially if you forged a signature of some MLB star. Thus, I took it with me, along with the phones, for selling later.

Just as I was getting up to move along with what I'd found, considering it was a pretty good haul, I heard a noise on a pile of rubble. Immediately, I had the bat in my hands, and even though I had the muscle mass of wet tissue paper, by _God_ , I knew a baseball bat would hurt, even if some weak little bitch like me took a swing at something. I steadied my stance ( _Sort of, I just...like, spread my legs apart and crouched a bit: Probably looked like I was constipated, to be honest_ ), and began gazing around the area. It was a shame that Japan had, for its entire history, been incredibly terrified of guns; Had they not, I would have been magdumping around the whole area with the Micro Uzi at 1200 rounds per minute. I mean, yeah, regardless of what country I was in, I was gonna get in a lot of shit for spraying a machine gun in the air, but it'd be worse in Japan.

I kept my eyes narrowed, looking around the area and keeping the bat ready. Remaining vigilant was just another thing that video games taught me, besides how to be a insulting prick to people in such a way that they don't know it was an insult ( _Thanks, TF2._ ) "This ain't funny anymore, whoever you are!" I called out, sweeping the area. "You try and jump me, I'll bash your head open like a fucking melon!" Still no response.

After a moment, I relaxed my grip on the bat slightly, and straightened up a bit. "Huh..." Still nobody? That's weird. Unless it was rats making the noise...maybe I could deal with them? My mind briefly flashed to the time I decapitated a garden rat using a shovel back in England. Yeah. I could kill a rat, easy. Horde of them, different story, but one, no problem. As I turned to begin leaving the area with my loot, the noise happened again, as clear as a million voices all crying out at once then suddenly being silenced. This time, I turned, raising the bat again, and gritting my teeth, looking exactly where I heard the noise.

And there, standing at the top of a massive pile of rubble, was Tohka.

I lowered the wooden sports tool, and raised a brow, smirking. "Jesus, Tohka, you snuck up on me!" I exclaimed, leaning on the bat like a cane. She stared down at me with a serious expression as she steadily made her way down the pile of rubble. Thankfully, the amount of rubble all around formed a sort of crater with an entrance, which meant nobody would be able to see me talking to Tohka unless they were above us. "How's things? Did you win yesterday?" Tohka nodded as she stopped in front of me.

"Yes: I emerged victorious." Momentarily, she paused, and began circling me, looking me up and down with a curious and rather worried expression. "And I trust you came to no harm, as well?" I nodded, not thinking about my back, which was dominated by a massive grey and blue patch of skin. Thankfully, the armour was fine, but I was still pissed off about my shirt, so I told Kotori to get it fixed or I'd kick the lieutenant's balls so hard that he'd fucking explode. Thus, it was being professionally stitched, and the lieutenant did not do an impression of his home city of Nagasaki.

"I made it out alright. Glad to know you're fine, though." The girl smiled back at me, closing her eyes before returning to stand in front of me. Even more progress. "So, what brings you back to ground zero?" Tohka suddenly looked surprised, before clearing her throat and grabbing me firmly by both shoulders. Holy shit, she had a strong grip.

"I am ready to 'go out with you', Jack," she said sternly. "Explain to me, step-by-step, what such an event entails."

I swallowed, looking into her serious purple eyes. God, they were lovely. You could get lost in the things and never feel like coming back. And as she asked the question, a single thought crossed my mind, not for the first time in two days.

 _oshitlel_

I rubbed the back of my head, eyes darting. "W-Well...uh..." Shit, think of something. "...first, I think you need different clothes, or you'll get too much attention." Tohka tilted her head, and looked herself over. Whilst her dress was stunning, yes, it was _too_ stunning. People'd start looking, then someone would probably ask her about it, and I'll be honest, I didn't particularly trust Tohka not to kill the person.

"What do you suggest in its place?" she asked. I thought for a moment. I was in uniform, so...hmm. Do girls look good in suits...? My thoughts were cut off by my ear buzzing.

" _Try and find a picture of the school's uniform,_ " Reine suggested, before bleeping to signify the message was over. Where the hell was I going to find an image of the girl's uniform? I kept thinking.

Then it hit me.

"School planner." I said out loud by accident, prompting Tohka to look confused as I began rustling through my bag. I withdrew the school planner, an A5 notepad where we wrote most of the shit to do with the school year and homework and things, and flipped it open at the front. There, it had a two page spread of the school's uniform, a picture of the boys' suit on the left, and the girls' blazer...skirt...thing, on the right. I turned the book towards Tohka, and pointed at the girls' uniform. "You think you could pull that look off?"

"I cannot remove an appearance..." she murmured, leaning forward to study it whilst she scratched her head with an adorable look of utter bewilderment. Finally, she nodded, straightening up. "Very well. I will try to replicate the clothing shown." Suddenly, _I_ was confused for a second.

' _Replicate the clothing...?'_

Momentarily, I was blinded by a dazzling purple light from Tohka's direction. Whilst it only lasted a second or two, it still burned like an absolute twat. Upon regaining my sight, I was actually not that surprised to see Tohka standing there in school uniform, tugging on a few parts of it as if studying them.

"That's a good look," I said casually, smiling. She looked up, and smiled back.

"I am glad to hear that," she replied warmly. "Now: What is next?"


End file.
